BREAKING NEWS! YAMCHA FROM DRAGON BALL PASSES AWAY

Today we have some very unfortunate news....

The world weeps as one of its greatest heroes passed away this morning while fighting for the welfare of the planet Earth and its citizens. In the past, Yamcha, famous as one of the first Z-Fighters, has helped defend Earth from the clutches of evil super powered foes one a countless number of occasions, but this time proved to be his last, as this illustrious warrior was beaten and kicked to death.

His assailants have been identified as a gang of 'Cell Juniors', who are the miniature copies of Earth's current threat, a mysterious man/creature (?) that just goes by the name of 'Cell'. Some footage was taken by our on the spot reporter and camera crew, which shows our hero being violently attacked by the group of young delinquents.


One of the culprits were captured and detained before being questioned, to which he(?) replied, "We were just kicking him like a soccer ball and he died". There has been a rise in attacks on people by groups of Cell Juniors, and experts say that "It wasn't surprising" and that "It was only a matter of time before someones life would be taken". 

Image: Image of Yamcha being assaulted. 

                                      "We were kicking him like a soccer ball and he died"                                                                                                              

Image: On the spot reporter

Further investigation revealed that Cell actually had ordered the attack on Yamcha as well as several other Z-fighters in a bid to anger Gohan, who is claimed by sources to have an immense amount of power hidden within him. Witnesses of this immense power have revealed that it only arises once the teenage Sayan erupts into a fit of rage. The news gets worse, as footage of the of the fight showed an instant where Gohan clearly had the chance to destroy a Cell Junior, and incidentally save Yamcha's life, but was too busy playing the popular video game, 'Dance Dance Revolution'. The youngster has come under a lot of criticism for his immaturity, and his mother Chi Chi has stated that death threats are a common occurrence at their house now, and that she is too scared to even pick up the telephone.

Dialogue:

Piccolo- Gohan, now's your chance! Shoot him (with your beam)!! 

(sees him playing game)

Piccolo: GOHAAAAAN!!!

Requests for interviews with Gohan regarding this case have so far been rejected, with reasons such as "He's too busy fighting at the moment", being the main excuse. If this footage is anything to go by, the best we can do is hope that this is true, although many of us will remain skeptical that this is so.

Rumours are also adrift that his mentor Piccolo has attempted to take responsibility for his apprentice's shameful mistake, in a fashion similar to that of the Samurai from feudal Japan, and has  committed suicide. This has yet to be confirmed, as there has been trouble with contacting our reporter stationed at the forefront of the battle. Although the safety of Piccolo is not yet known for sure, it is certain that the death of Yamcha has been a sudden and sad affair, and has occurred under tragic and unfair circumstances. It has also left his fans and neutrals among the world mourning a great loss.

All we can do for the moment is hope that Piccolo hasn't suffered the same fate, albeit by his own hands, and that our hero "Hercules" is able to take down Cell, with the help of the surviving Z-Fighters (including the questionably unreliable Gohan), before our homes are completely destroyed by the latest menace to hit our planet.